Valentines 2009

My stepfather (father) passed away April 27, 2007 and left behind my lovely mother Donna. Their wedding Anniversary is February 14 of every year. That’s right Valentines weekend. Before my father’s passing I rarely visited home. In my mind, I felt like it was ok. I talked to my mom and father at least every other day. When I did visit which was every other year he would lecture me about the importance of family and my mom. “You only have one” he would say.
When my parents met, I was in 5th grade. My mom had five kids and my father had four kids. That is right at one point there was nine kids in one household. My stepbrothers and sister were the same age as my brothers and sisters. We all went to the same grade school together. This made growing up in our household even more exciting. Imagine our hide in go seek games in our neighborhood.

When my mom and father started to hang out and date my mom said, “We are just friends”. Now with five kids you could imagine what it was like for my mom bringing home boyfriends. Let me tell you it just did not work. We did everything we could to get rid of every single one of her boyfriends. First of all my mom is hot and full of fun. I can remember one person in particular. He would come over and call us kids “critters”. My sister Corring did not like this guy at all. I remember her screaming at the top of her lungs “we are not bugs…you think we are bugs…MOM” Yeah that one ended real quick.

Then we meet Jonnie. He was persistent. However, remember my mom wanted to just be friends. I went to high school with is son Jeffery and we became friends. One day Jeffery asked me where I lived. I gave him very vague direction on where we lived. No bigger right. Wrong. Jonnie went up and down east and west looking for my mom’s green van. If you knew my father, he was going to find it. Did I mention he was persistent.
“Ahhhh quick kids pick everything up” as my mom ran around in her under clothes in disbelief on how he found her house. After their visit, my mom asked me if I told Jeffery where we lived. I was in shock because I barely knew how to give the directions. I gave him my bus route. My mom was not happy. Nevertheless, we were. We loved Jonnie the minute we meet him. He was special.

Mom is number one. You watch movies like the Notebook that has these great love stories with tears and laughter and difficulties but in the end, everything works out. My mom was my stepfather’s number one. Rules were mom, family, school, work then our own personal adventures. Whatever my mom wanted or needed he was there in support and love. He would have done anything and everything to keep her happy. What kind of man marries a woman with five kids? Well if you have not met my mom then you would have thought a crazy one.

When my father passed, they were together for I think eighteen years and I am proud to say he was the man that raised me and fathered me. He would always remind us that he is not our dad. He would say, “I am your father, anyone can be a dad but a father is someone who raises you and loves and supports you”. He did all those things and more. It was not an easy path at all. If you know me then you know that there were some bad times. If it were not for the love that my mom and stepfather had for each other, they would have split within 6months. Come on do not forget nine kids.

Before my father passed he would talk (or should I say lecture) to me about the importance of my family and our mother. You only have one he said and once she is gone, she is gone. You have to treat her good every day. You would never want to think to yourself “what if” after she is gone. He would talk to me about how we are the next generation of Aunties and Uncles. We need to be there for all the new generation growing up. I always think of these lectures when I think of my father.

Since his passing, I have visited countless times. My mom had (to me still has) a husband that truly loves her. They were inseparable. They had so many different hobbies that they were able to experience together. Old school cars, peddle bikes, NASCAR, Motorcycles, landscaping, computers, Guitars, Ukuleles, photography the list could really go on and on.

Family needs to be number one. My mom is number one. The past two years I have visited home to create new memories with my mom. I am her daughter and her friend. I visit and spend time with all my brothers and sisters. We watch their kids play and grow. These are things our father in stowed in us. I miss my father tremendously. He was such a great man. He loved my mother and showed her respect. He loved his kids and opened his heart. We have to remember our mother and fathers. Most of us only have one. Treat them with love and respect.